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Jennifer’s Grandma

A phone call at 6.00 am woke me up this morning. It was Cheau Lin with news of her grandmother.

I recall with some amount of excitement when I first met Cheau Lin’s grandmother in Melaka. I’ve heard a lot about her from Cheau Lin and couldn’t wait to meet her. When I saw her, she struck me as someone who radiated an aura of kindness. Though she had a round and compassionate face, the drooping cheeks and heavy wrinkles bravely bore marks of hardship that she must have endured in her lifetime. She was the quintessential grandma that only a few lucky ones among us can testify to having and was a grandma that the majority of us wished we had.

During our first meeting, I was asked to shout whatever that I wanted to say to her because she had been deaf for quite sometime then. I suggested that Cheau Lin should get a hearing aid for her. I was then told that grandma had a hearing aid, but her vanity had put her off from using it in front of guess. She would made small talk but as she couldn’t hear my reply, our conversation was heavily one sided, mostly with her reminiscing about the good old days and complaining about growing old. It was a little odd to shout “AH MA! HO BO!” to a tiny old lady and I never gotten used to it.

As I visited her more often, she opened up and was less formal. Occasionally, I would observe her sitting in her favorite rattan chair, thinking of days long past. It was as if she was reliving them again in her head. And when she needed to move, she would use a special 4 legged walking cane that sported a front basket. The basket usually housed her handkerchief, an assortment of trinkets and packets of 555 cigarettes.

And how she would smoke those cigarettes!

She later moved to Shah Alam to stay in Cheau Lin’s brother’s house when she can be taken care of by Cheau Lin’s mom and sister-in-law. Around a year and a half ago, she suffered a stroke that left the left side of her body paralyzed. I rushed to the hospital to see her and even though she couldn’t speak coherently, she was grunting and pointing with her right hand. I saw her and I realized from her eyes that she recognized me. The doctors weren’t able to do much and suggested that the family brings her home.

She didn’t have the capability to chew solid food so liquid food, most of the time milk, would have to be pushed from a syringe down a tube that ran directed into her stomach. This must have caused tremendous discomfort and pain because she tried to pull it out ever so often. I was given packs of unopened 555s as she couldn’t smoke anymore. I tried lighting up a few sticks but it was like smoking needles that poked deep into my throat. I was thinking then that it took a tough lady to be able to smoke 2 packs of these everyday.

Her condition did not improve.

The last that I saw her alive was about a week and a half ago when I followed Cheau Lin to Shah Alam. Her once bubbly face was but a pale reflection of the image that still have with me when I first met her. Her muscles was wasted due to the lack of movement a result of being immobile for so long. She has also lost a tremendous amount of weight. When I called her and looked at her, blank eyes stared at me. It was too much to bear.

Earlier this week, I’ve heard from Cheau Lin that her grandmother had contracted pneumonia. Both she and I knew that the end would not be long and we told ourselves somehow, when the time comes, this would be a much wanted release from the months of pain she had endured.

Cheau Lin’s grandmother passed away this morning in her sleep and the world has lost a benevolent gentle soul.

John 14:1-3: “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.”

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Lizards and Rubberbands Reloaded

Rachel’s recent brush with death prompted me to write more about the hazards of the common house gecko.

11.30pm. With my eyes closed and my body totally drenched, I was lying in bed and drifting into the zone where sweet dreams take flight. Suddenly, my mobile phone rang. It was Rachel. When I put the phone near my ear, I could heard a spine chilling scream coming from the tiny speakers. She had dispensed with the pleasantries.

I pieced together the incoherent fragments of her one syllable shrieks and realized that she was trying to tell me that a gecko has landed on her wind screen. The trouble was that she was terrified of these creatures and would sooner prefer to have dental treatment without Novocain than to be in their company, albeit behind a protective sheet of shatterproof tempered glass. To make matters worse, she was driving, alone, in a highway from Shah Alam to KL.

Adrenaline pumped and my mind started to work. “Look,” I said, “you have to stop your car right now! Pull over before you crash into another car and hurt someone else!”

“I CAN’T!!!!” she screamed, “IT IS STARING RIGHT INTO MY EYES!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!”

I persuaded her further. To me, it was highly important that she pulled over and regain her composure before attempting to do anything. But the responses that I got were blood-curling screams. I knew that panic had gotten the better of her and there was no use in talking calmly anymore. I put on my authoritative voice and it boomed, “YOU’VE GOT TO PULL OVER NOW! FUCKIN’ PULL OVER BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE!”

Not my best moment but I had to do something to knock some senses into Rachel before she knocked into someone else on the road. Imagine how her police report of the accident would read.

In between sobs, she cried, “Call you back later”- and the phone went dead. I tried calling her- but I got the sickening recorded message saying that the number that I had dialed was currently unavailable and that if I wanted to leave a message, I can do it after the beep. Beep.

For 45 minutes, I stared at my mobile phone and wondered, really wondered, if I had done the right thing. Had she decided to drive off a cliff with the intention of killing the reptile on her windscreen? Did she suddenly put on a Hollywood-style bravado to “take down” the windscreen hugger even if it means paying the deed with the ultimate of her price of her life? Sweat began to form on my forehead. I dialed her number again.

There was a ringing tone.

“Hello, are you okay?” I inquired.

I head sobbing but I was relieved to hear that she was stationary and no longer in her car. “Ok, alreadylah,” she said.

“What happened to the lizard?” I asked.

“It took off-” a brief paused as I realized that she must have shuddered at the thought of the gecko- “It gave me a message.”

Puzzled, I asked what message did the lizard give.

“It told me to lay off exposing them. It told me to tell you to stop writing about them. It wanted me to know that it wasn’t kidding and it pissed on my windshield before it deployed it’s parachute and floated off somewhere along Jalan Tun Razak.”

I was amazed.

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The Passion of the Christ

I may not be a theology student or Bible quoting expert but I do find Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ to be a good movie that is going to return lost sheep to the flock.

He (Mel Gibson, not God) wanted to make this as authentic and at the same time as entertaining as possible. But there are a few things that stood out as possibly inaccurate. Although Aramaic was one of the languages that was widely spoken then, the Gospels were written in Greek and there were evidence that Jesus spoke Greek (refer to this thread in an American Scientific Affiliation forum), in addition to 2 more languages that were used then- Latin and Hebrew. Another stretch is the implication that Mary Magdelene and the adulteress being stoned were one and the same person. Apart from these two examples, the movie is quite close to the Gospels. Of course, there is this one episode of flashback that involved Jesus inventing the dinette table, but then you have to give the film makers some artistic license…

Is it anti-Semitic?

My personal view is that there are no anti-Semitic messages that had been added by the filmmakers that were not already there in the Gospels. And even so, the Gospels are not anti-Semitic when taken into context. While the New Testament made reference to Jews who wanted to kill Jesus, in context, Jesus and His followers were Jewish too. It’s like saying that Chiang Kai Shek is anti-Chinese because he wants to kill Mao Zedong. Doesn’t make sense. I guess what irked some Jews is that the Bible claimed that 2000 years ago, some Jews, or specifically, the Pharisees, plotted to kill a person who claimed to be the Messiah.

Of course, it doesn’t help that a Pastor put up a sign in his Denver Lovingway United Pentecostal Church reading: “Jews killed the Lord Jesus”, taken wholly out of context from 1 Thessalonians 2:14-15. This really shows how dumb some purported Christians are because the message of Christ is one of love and understanding.

The reason why Christ died is more important than who killed Christ.

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The 11th Malaysian General Elections

In a year that is devoid of any real issues, Malaysian will be going to the polls on the 21st of March 2004. Who then, to vote?

First off, the incumbents are looking very strong this time around. The opposition has to ditch their black book of old scores because the old Man has retired and the new man is doing an acceptable job so far. In Malaysian politics where forgiveness is divine, expect to see issues of the last administration falling flat with the voters (“Haiyaa, now PM also change already what, why bring up somemore?”). Scaling on a solid performance record (though I must say that without the cronyism and corruption we could have achieved so much more in a shorter period of time), there is no denying that this election will be a renewed endorsement for the incumbents. Only thing that I would like to see is old guards lose their seats to make way for new blood.

I’ll be rooting for my favorite social democratic (or democratic socialist) party whose absence and silence during the past 5 years makes one wonder if they had really suffered some rocket malfunctions as a result of NASA cuts. Worse still, are they on a path of orbit that will result in a spectacular fireworks-type disintegration during this election season? Questions that remain to be answered in a season that is devoid of any real social issues to be exploited.

Of course, if you speak to my friend, the Pakcik of my office- we should all vote fairly and free Anwar. To his credit, Anwar is a passionate politician who can summon up the spirits and command respect. He is strong and charismatic. He’s pro-business (another way of saying that he has his own personal business interests). So what if he’s a poof? I’ve no issues with his (allegedly proven) homosexuality but being naked in bed and getting jiggy with zealous mullahs is just plain immoral. My suggestion, cut the taliban ties and move to real issues instead of being another Aung Sun Suu Kyi.

Lastly, how can one not love our own made-in-Malaysia brand of Islamic extremists, whose declared goal is to change our constitutionally inshrined secular (okay, maybe moderately Islamic- but secular enough) Constitution so that they can set up an Islamic state. Their idea is to strip the country of all vices and to impose a code of morality that everyone should follow. Only problem is that their lifestyle might ensure them a place in heaven but what about the unbelievers? Besides, what fun would life be if some of us cannot chomp down on our favorite pork knuckles while guzzling down a pint or two?

I can’t wait to attend the campaign ceramahs!

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Lizards and Rubberbands

A friend of mine, Rachel (whose name has been changed to protect ME) told me an interesting theory that Lizards (of the Common House Gecko variety- Hemidactylus frenatus) are attracted to rubber bands.

According to a series of experiment that she has carried out, and purportedly repeated successfully by a Libyan scientific team, she has proven her theory. As I do not have any rubber bands (but plenty of geckos in my place), I hereby outline her steps so that others can try it at their homes:-

1. Place a rubber band near any corners or any other place in your house where Geckos hang out
2. Remember the location.
3. Take a photograph, if you have camera, to record this. Label it “Before”.
4. If you don’t have a camera, take a mental photograph (stare and blink real hard). Label it, in your head, “Before”.
5. Go about your everyday work for 12 hours or more
6. Return to the spot that you have placed the rubber band
7. Take a photograph, if you have camera, to record the location. Compare it to the photograph labeled “Before”.
8. If you don’t have a camera, take a mental photograph (stare and blink real hard). Compare it to the mental picture labeled “Before”.

If Rachel’s Theory holds true, the rubber band would have moved.

This is not the most weirdest observation. Rachel also claims that she has seen geckos using the rubber bands as hula hoops, skipping ropes and waist belts (this must have been a very fat gecko). She also told me how tired she was cleaning after the geckos after their wild nights with the rubber bands.

And yes, one more thing:- geckos have a fond attraction to Spirulina. So if your experiments do not return the desired results, rerun it with Spirulina as bait.

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The Oscars 2004

Being an avid fan of movies, I found this year’s Academy Awards to be rather interesting.

This is the first time that a Fantasy movie like The Lord of The Rings- The Return of the King has broken the glass ceiling (from technical achievements like Sound Editing, Special Effects) to clinch not only the Best Director but also Best Movie. Kudos to the happy Hobbits, elegant Elves, dastardly-looking dwarfs, wonderful wizards and humble humans who live in New Zealand, I mean, Middle Earth. Huge credits go to Peter Jackson, a George Lucas-ian nobody then, who have spent a better part of a decade to bring the highly regarded (but stupendously boring) tome to life.

However, I am a little (just a little) bit disappointed that Bill Murray didn’t win for Best Actor considering that he is so good in Lost In Translation. But I guess that winning Best Screenplay is not too bad of an achievement for Sofia Coppola- whose aloofness on stage is either caused by a terminal case of bashfulness or she is still reeling from her horrible part in Godfather III.