Not being a local food connoisseur of the Pulau Tikus market, I relied on my trusty Foolproof Food-Finding Formula to sniff out the best eats.
Here’s how my highly scientific method works:
First, I hunt for the longest queues. Nothing screams “worth your time” like watching strangers willingly waste theirs. My theory? People are either queuing based on life-changing past meals or because the aunty running the stall is TikTok’s latest viral sensation. To rule out the latter (because, let’s be real, breaking out sick TikTok moves is nowhere near the level of kung fu required to make a great Char Koay Teow), I move to my second criterion.
I observe the stall operators closely, looking for signs of controlled kitchen chaos. If they appear like they’ve just stepped out of a beauty commercial—immaculate, smiling, unhurried—I move on. My ideal food vendor serves with the urgency of someone who would rather be anywhere else. The type whose eyes say, “Take it and GO AWAY” as they hand over your food.
Looking for those two signs led me to some remarkable finds that morning: Hokkien Mee that made my taste buds dance, Ban Cheng Kueh so good it could make a food critic cry and Laksa Lemak so irresistible I’d consider moving states for it.
However, even my system met its match at the famous Apom stall. The Michelin Guide 2025 logo immediately piqued my curiosity. But something felt off—there was no queue (suspicious), and the vendors were smiling (even more suspicious). The intoxicating aroma wafting from their ceramic bowls over a charcoal fire was seductive. Even though it didn’t meet my criteria, I confidently asked for five to go, stricken with a case of FOMO.
The vendor smiled politely and asked me to wait. Glancing at the stack of ready-made Apoms, I figured I’d outsmarted the system and pointed at them insisting that I don’t need them hot-off-the-stove. His response? Those were all pre-ordered, and I’d be looking at an 80-minute wait.
Clearly, my Foolproof Food-Finding Formula needs an upgrade. When the lines are so long that people can finish watching a movie while waiting for their food, it might be time to set my alarm clock a tad earlier—especially if I want to catch the morning Michelin worm.